30 March 2016

Socks vs. Marriage...who knew?

Welcome to guest blogger Mike Woody!  He's a wonderful writer and a good friend, and has a very humorous take on marriage!

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Marriage has taught me a lot, as apparently I’d been doing a lot of things wrong prior to taking the plunge. For example, I shouldn’t have based my tips on the amount of cleavage the waitress shows (The Hooters girls always got more than 20%) or only did dishes when the cupboards were bare. However, my worst mistakes were seemingly due to my lack of any fashion sense. I’m left to wonder how I ever dressed myself, as I failed with even the most basic of necessities. I’ll spare you the debriefing on underwear choices and instead focus on socks.

I really never knew how important socks were to an ensemble, as long as no hole was visible, all was good. So I thought. I was able to mask my deficiency of sock knowledge through the colder months, but once it became warm enough to wear shorts then my inadequacies were fully exposed. As if my ghostly white legs weren’t bad enough, my tube socks made it worse. Yes, much like my letter man coat from high school, I was forced to part with my collection of tube socks. While I miss my grandmothers daily, it’s a blessing they are departed because I’d never be able to explain why they could no longer get me tube socks for Christmas.

Apparently the truth is size does matter. The good news is, the smaller the better. You know what they say about men with big feet…small socks. Yes, socks so small, they are called ‘No Shows’ are the must haves for men to be fashionably acceptable, especially when wearing shorts. Is that a surprise to anyone but me?

In my defense, I’m not totally clueless in the field of socks. I know not to wear any size of black sock while wearing shorts. Also, it’s suggested that the tube socks not be pulled up all the way to the knee. Take my word for it, trust me, you will be laughed at. Mid-calf is also widely believed to be too high, as is even mid-ankle.

My legs aren’t very long, I’ve never been told, ‘You must be a basketball player,’ and I’ve also been advised against wearing short shorts. (That was an awkward conversation) A person need not be a fashion designer to know that if your shorts reaches your knees, then your socks are kept below knee-level. I typically kept my socks rolled down to an inch or two above the ankle, low enough that I wouldn’t look silly…Wrong! I even made sure the top stripe matched my shirt. I never want my colors to clash!

The first really warm day of the year, I broke out my shorts and rolled down my socks…red shirt, green striped socks (in the spirit of Christmas) and the wife was instantly ready to go shopping for socks. Before she’d go out to dinner with me that night, there was a quick trip to the store. I then received my first pair of ‘no show’ socks, with the warning to still not wear them with sandals or boat/deck/loafer shoes. My reaction to wearing them is similar to my feelings on G-Strings, why even bother? It’s all hanging out to see anyway.

It has been an adjustment, I feel so exposed, and my ankles have been freezing. The ankles must be the thermostat for the entire body. I suppose it’s just part of what it takes to be in style, or at least from below the ankle. 

***Thanks so much, Mike, for visiting with me! 

Mike Woody is a life long resident of Dayton, and has a passion for writing, which is good because he doesn't excel at much of anything else, except eating.

Woody has written for small-town newspapers since 2006 and has a degree in Creative Writing from Wright State University. (Perhaps something in the medical field would have been a better choice, but he passes out at the sight of blood)


To check out more of Mike's work visit his blog Woody's World at http://writingsbywoody.blogspot.com/ or follow him on Twitter  @mikewoody1


19 March 2016

Beth and Bryce's Totally True History of Stuff You Should Totally Believe, for Reals!

Today we're talking about the history of salsa....




Bryce: Salsa Flinger is my Native American name.

Beth: I don't think salsa is a Native American delicacy.

Bryce: Not as it's currently made. The word is actually a Spanish derivation of a Choctaw word meaning fish stew. The cultures met in Eastern Texas in the early 1800s.

Beth: Fish stew...Really? (said dryly with an eyebrow raised skeptically)

Bryce: It wasn't just fish. Alligator hocks were really the key to the recipe.

Beth: I don't think Choctaws were in Florida, where the alligators are.

Bryce: There are alligators in the fresh water all around the Gulf.The gristle in the hock thickened the stew.When the African slaves arrived with okra, that went in the stew making the hard to harvest alligator hocks unnecessary. The French Canadians, completely did away with the Chotaw word and started calling the stew gumbo. Salsa was a noun without an object for centuries.

Beth: OK. Granted the Choctaw were around MS & LA, but I still think you're pulling this out of your butt.

Bryce: It was the Alamo that changed everything.

Beth: The Alamo is not at the Gulf.

Bryce:The units that fought for Spain had been stationed for several months in east Texas.

Beth: Which is not near the Gulf.

Bryce: Southeast Texas is on the Gulf.

Beth: Not San Antonio, which is where the Alamo is. I've been there. Corpus Christie is on the Gulf.

Bryce: Right. They were stationed near the Gulf but when the shit started going down, they were deployed there.

Beth: Who? The Texans?

Bryce: No, the Spanish troops.

Beth: Mexicans fought at the Alamo. Texas was part of Mexico.

Bryce: Right and Meixco had a treaty with Spain part of which was military support for the troubles in Texas and central and north California.The Spanish wanted control of the salmon trade out of California.

Beth: What does this have to do with salsa?

Bryce: It was small but valuable.So, the Spanish troops picked up the word from the Choctaw.

Beth: CA doesn't have salmon.

Bryce: Not now. It did.They were fished clean. Any more questions?

Beth: I don't think you have your facts straight.

Bryce: Every one is verifiable.

Beth: I think you're verifiable...cray cray.

Bryce: I'm just trying to help. I hate to see my friends live with a lie. Google California history salmon.

Beth: I would like to see your proof on salmon being in CA during the Spanish occupation.

Bryce: Mexican

Beth: They had a treaty, remember?

Bryce: But not an occupation.

Beth: Ownership.

Bryce: It was just fishing rights.

Beth: You're saying Mexico only had fishing rights to CA? What history book did you read?

Bryce: No. Mexico owned California. Spain traded with Mexico for, among other things, fishing rights.

Beth: The only salmon that's ever come out of CA is farmed, and I won't eat farmed salmon. Not healthy.

Bryce: Does salsa smell like alligator to you?

Beth: Ew.

Bryce: The ironic twist to this whole story is that alligators cannot eat modern salsa! Kills 'em in 30 minutes. One thing. What kind of seeds to you plant for a salmon farm? I can't find a fish section in my catalog.

***And that, my friends, is the totally true history of salsa you should totally believe, for reals. By Beth and Professor of Ergonomic Fictionalized History, Bryce Eddings.

14 March 2016

Movie Review- (500) Days of Summer

         The heart of this story lies in the theory that even though you might find Mr. or Miss Right, it may not be a mutual discovery.  Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) works as a greeting card writer, who falls instantly in love with his boss’s new assistant Summer (Zooey Deschanel).  And from the very beginning we are told that although this is a romance story, it is not a love story.  I disagree…it does teach us about love, only a different version of it.
Throughout the film, the timeline of where Tom and Summer are in their relationship flashes up to propel us along their journey.  Tom is one of those romantic, wear-your-heart-on the-sleeve kind of guys and Gordon-Levitt has played him so well and convincingly that-in my mind-he is now propelled into Hottie status.  Summer is a little harder to figure out.  She is a woman looking for her own true love even though she tries to deny it by saying she doesn’t want to put labels on what she and Tom share.
But this story is really about Tom.  In the 500 days that they have together, he runs the gamut of every facet that Love can be.  Joy, hope, passion, despair, reconciliation, anger, and finally, acceptance.
Every shot and frame of this film is artistic.  The director, Marc Webb, has done a fantastic
job bringing each segment of this film to emotional life.  It is one reason I like Indie films, because I always get done watching them with the moral or tale replaying through my head. 

I won’t give anything away, but the ending, though not the happy ending one might expect, is satisfying.  Tom does find his closure.  And in turn leaves us realizing that the heart truly is big enough to hold all types of loves and loss.