The Observance Psychology of BDSM

*Please note: while the title of this blog may say "Psychology" do not expect an in-depth psyche evaluation here.  It's just a blog.


I've recently started reading books immersed into the BDSM lifestyle.  Not because I'm personally drawn to the thought of being a Dom or Sub but because of the psychology behind it.  A friend gave me an article from Marie Claire (Jan. 2013) The Joy of Submission (as told to by Erin Zammett Ruddy) about one woman's experience being a submissive.  One sentence stuck with me: "I love that Fifty Shades of Grey has gotten women talking more honestly about their fantasies, but I hate that the book perpetuates the notion that a Dom must be messed up to be into this kind of sex".  The article states she shares her life with a Dom, who is married but hasn't told his wife, while she is very open to her husband that he isn't all that she needs.  From what I've come to understand, trust is an important aspect of BDSM so I was a little confused by her reasoning.

Aren't we all, as humans, a little messed up in one way or another?  Some of us go to therapists, some of us medicate our troubles away with either pills or another substance.  And some of us want to be collared, tied up and whipped.  Chocolate and vanilla, as apropos as that.  We are all needing something or someone to help fill whatever void we are looking for, whether it be emotional, physical or material. My first BDSM book was The Reluctant Dom by Tymber Dalton (I did a book review on it below) and I'm very thankful that I picked this title first since it introduced a way of life from the POV of a character who didn't understand.  As he went through his journey I began to understand as well.

Now, I've not personally talked or interviewed a Master or slave but I've researched (as any author is wont to do) and have come to the conclusion not everything is black or white. Of course, I'm talking about literature so to have a book you have to have drama.  Fifty Shades of Grey may perpetuate Doms in a harsh light but you wouldn't have a book without internal conflict and personal growth, so there you have it.  Take the fiction with a grain of salt.

I don't think I would ever personally want to become part of the lifestyle but that doesn't mean I wouldn't

want to visit a munch or a play party.  (See? Lingo.)  I find the art of Shibari beautiful even if I don't really want to be on the receiving end.  And I don't know if I could ever be comfortable going through the day naked.  Of course, not everyone who is into BDSM lives it 24/7.  Fantasy, after all, is usually a part time endeavor.  But now I find myself looking at people's necks, wondering if the necklace with a heart lock pendant on it is actually a day collar.  Because that would be cool.

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Okay...I forgot I signed up for Hump Day Hook so I apologize for that!  Here is my paragraph below, from my book "A Man After Midnight":


“Why?”  He countered.  “There’s nothing wrong with a little role playing.  A little voyeurism.  Maybe even a little pain.”

“Only perverted people like that kind of sex,” she said in a low tone.

“Then you must be perverted,” he said with a chuckle.  He picked up her hand, twinning their fingers together, and brought her hand to his mouth and licking the back of her fingers.  “You never answered my question.” 
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