08 March 2013

Book Review – Wallbanger by Alice Clayton

Print books can cost a helluva lot of money so when I buy one, I’m very careful to read all the reviews.  When I came across Wallbanger the premise intrigued me (so did the cover!) so I took a chance and bought it.  Published by Omnific, the book is 302 pages of roughly 490 words a page.  Yes, it’s a firmly condensed book, heavy but very worth the $19.99 price tag.

I want to point out that I really loved this book.  But to give a book review, I have to be fair, so I need to point out the bad and the good.  For me, the first forty-six pages of this book left me bored.  I would read a page or two and the crassness of the main character, Caroline, didn’t click with me.  But once Caroline and Simon finally met THEN I got invested and it was a hilarious ride.  So, let me go back and give a brief summery of what this book is about:

Caroline, an interior designer, moves into a new apartment, sublet from her boss.  She doesn’t know how very thin the walls are until that night and moans and thumps come from her neighbor.  She hears everything.  In fact, the wall is banging so hard it knocks her pictures off the wall.  This happens for three nights with three different girls.  By this time, Caroline is pissed because she hasn’t had any sleep (the banging goes on all night long).  So, dressed in a little pink nightie, she marches over to his place, bangs on his door and is confronted by a still turned on gorgeous man named Simon Parker.  Needless to say, this confrontation does start out too well and the war is on.

Wallbanger is written in first person, mainly from Caroline’s POV, although there are a few instances where we get some other head input.  This is my first Alice Clayton novel and I have to admit I loved her writing style, most of it I was laughing out loud.  I’m a sucker for dry humor and the wit and banter portrayed is a page turner.  I consumed the book in two nights!  Here are some of my favorite lines:

p.213  He was wooing me.  And I was letting him woo.  I wanted the woo.  I deserved the woo.  I needed the wow that would surely follow the woo, but for now, the woo?  It was whoa.

p.225 Could I spend a little more time trying to come up with a more clever name for Simon’s penis?  Probably.  It deserved it.  Mammoth Male Member?  No.  Pulsating Pillar of Passion?  No.  Back Door Bandit?  Hell no.  Wang?  Sounded like the noise those doorstopper things made when you flicked ‘em…
            I said it out loud to myself a few times, cracking myself up a little.  “Wang.  Wang.  Waaaang,” I muttered.

The texting between them is fantastic.  I was laughing so hard I was almost crying.  Chapter Nine is almost nothing but texting and Alice Clayton is brilliant with the dialogue.  The secondary characters are brilliantly written and really support the relationship that is building between Simon and Caroline.  There is so much in this book, so many little nuances, and yet everything flows very well together. 

Of course, with all stories of two strong headed misjudged people, they get into a fight and I found the fight that split Caroline and Simon apart for a time not quite believable.  I understood it, but I think it could have been written a little more strongly.  And the end dragged a little for me.  I kept waiting for that moment when I’m swept away but I didn’t really get it.  Through the whole book Caroline was missing her O (orgasm) and when the moment finally came for her and Simon to get it on, she ended up faking it.  Then, when he really gives it to her (and I mean in a very good way, this way and that) I expected to be swept into the O just like Caroline, but that moment sorta fell flat to me.  It was more comedic because she was baking and flour, honey, sugar, raisins, dough, go everywhere.  Everywhere! 

But I got my happy ending, as did Caroline (finally!) and I loved it.  This book is definitely going into my library as a keeper. 

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