Christmas Blog Hop

I will be participating in Stuff Your Stockings Blog Hop on Dec 16^th!  There will be an easy contest and one lucky winner will win one of my pdf version ebooks, winner’s choice!

Make sure you stop by here on by that Friday and also visit   http://www.thebloghopspot.com/  to win even more goodies!!

-Beth

Sexual Bondage

Of the fetishes out there, Doms and Subs relationships are the ones I have trouble understanding the most.  But only because there is a complex depth to the lifestyle I’ve never delved into. In the past couple of years, the D/s stories have exploded, and are perhaps the best selling stories out there.  It is a complex world that deserves justice when it’s portrayed, and I hope to one day create a worthy story.

Bondage plays a heavy role in BDSM, with it being used a sexual stimulant and have a feature in sexual fantasies.  The submissive is dressed usually in clothing that depicts passiveness or innocence while the Dom is dressed in something that gives the image of authority or control.  Equipment can include ropes, straps, harnesses, bars, X-frames, handcuffs, ties, or anything else that can restrict movement.  The person applying the restraints is usually knowledgeable, or should be, especially when using suspension lifts and ties.

But what is the emotion behind the lifestyle of D/s?  Outsiders like to point out that the submissives like to be hurt, that they enjoy the pain or humiliation, but truthfully, it’s the exchange of power between the two partners, the trust behind it that stimulates the sexual experience.  Mutual respect is important.  Safe words are used in order to give submissives a small amount of control, in case the Dom oversteps the boundary of pain or emotions.     

When the term “erotica” comes into play, most ordinary people automatically think BDSM, leather, whips, chains and masks.  They don’t understand the deeply complex partnership that D/s enter into, contracts that are made, and trust that is given.  While there are many out there that cater for the intense, occasional one night stand with being dominated, the true lifestyle is so much more.

The Thrill of Scarfing...

This is a concept I knew nothing about until I watched Queer as Folk.  My favorite character, Brian, was having an emotional crisis and started scarfing, or tying a scarf (or piece of material) around the neck while masturbating.  This is supposed to restrict the blood flow to the brain and increase the pleasure of orgasm. 

Brian: If I want to experience the joys of scarfing, what the hell business is it of yours?! 

Michael: It's my business cause I'm the one that will get the call from the the god damn cleaning lady who finds you hanging from the rafters with a fucking boner!

The medical/psychological term is called autoerotic asphyxiation, and its popularity is high among young males.  Accidental death has occurred due to the nature of hanging one’s self to achieve the desired sexual satisfaction.  The person looses consciousness and the self-rescue mechanism fails.  It is unknown how many suicides are actually botched attempts of scarfing but it is estimated about 250 to 1000 deaths a year.

The practice of autoerotic asphyxiation has been documented since the 17^th Century and was used as a treatment for erectile dysfunction.  People noticed that males being hung would produce an erection, sometimes even ejaculating after death.  When the carotid arteries are compressed, the lack of oxygenated blood to the brain and the increase of carbon dioxide induces a semi-hallucinogenic state called hypoxia.  Combined with the euphoria of an orgasm, the rush is highly addictive. 

The thought of scarfing, for me, sounds a little like playing Russian Roulette.  I would never judge any adult who tempted fate with practicing scarfing, but perhaps it would be better to be with a partner so that if anything were to go wrong at least there is someone to help.  But then again, perhaps it’s the thought of self bondage which also heightens the pleasure. All I’ll say is just be careful of cumming while going…

The Emotion of Sexual Masochism

Let’s start by saying that there is a wide berth of understanding when it comes to sexual masochism. It is a practice that sometimes goes along with BDSM, but doesn’t necessarily have to. For the sake of writing a dissertation on the subject, I’m going to stick strictly to the sexual practice of self-harm, not to those who are simply “cutters”.

Many people may ask what can possibly make hurting one’s self arousing, but the answers aren’t always black and white. Yes, it’s listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as a paraphilia, or otherwise known as intense and recurrent sexually arousing urges, fantasies, or behaviors. But isn’t that all sex, really? Don’t we all have fantasies somewhere deep down which manifest in someway in our approach to sex?

In the research I’ve done, literature points out that self-harmers are not suicidal, or even attention seekers. Quite the opposite, actually. People who self-harm tend to use this means as a coping method for something in their past, anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, or a multitude of other disorders. Sexual masochism is slightly more prevalent in males and it is interesting to note that more people consider themselves masochistic rather than sadistic.

Some of the more popular acts of masochism are spanking, whippings, cutting, burning and hitting, and can occur in the context of role-playing. In the explosion of erotica romance, these practices are sometimes written about, in detail, and with a HEA ending. BDSM themed books are in demand and usually top the best-seller lists. But writing a believable book is important...and difficult if one doesn't truly understand or "get" the culture. It is important to relate the emotion in masochism, to make the reader feel the power behind it.

The World of Fetish....

The explosion of ebook publishing, especially within the erotica world, has opened a door to the exploration of what turns people on.  I find the different genre’s fascinating and have devoted this month to blogging about fetishes.  Check back every Friday for my new series, Fetish Friday’s.  I would love feedback but please be supportive or accepting to all guests who leave comments.  I will tolerate NO DISCRIMINATION!

This Friday (Nov. 11^th) I will blog about self-harm, or cutting.  I actually have a proposal to my editor about a character who is a cutter, and researching the psychology behind it is extensive. 

The 18^th I plan on writing about Scarfing. 

The 25^th will be about the world of bondage with the lifestyle of Doms/Subs.

Happy exploring!

And the Winner is....

....all 7 people who left comments!

I am so thankful for the wonderful responses I've decided that all of you will get a free ebook of your choice!

I'll be emailing you this evening so start thinking of which book you'd like!  And again, my sincere thanks for visiting my blog!

-Beth D. Carter